GETTING CAUGHT UP
This has really been a whirlwind of discovery, emotions and ideas. This is the third week of my family's "high-speed" awakening, after being stuck in the internet stone age. It's a long boring story, so I'll tell it. No, I won't.
I'll start by filling in some background. As a child and a teenager, I always drew things, and I longed to be a famous artist. Aside from visions of grandeur, I truly felt in my element when lost in the act of drawing, or painting. Fantasy landscapes, unicorns and abstractions were my main interest at that time.
At age 20 I got married, (12 years and going strong) and a few years later had a son (8 years old now). Through all of that, I found many many other ways to stay busy. I discovered cooking, gardening, reading about ancient cultures and native plants, helping my husband with his endeavors as a vaudeville performer (I do not perform myself), etc. Drawing and producing art took a backseat to all of these other activities.
Looking back, I can see how drawing filled natural spaces in my daily life when I was younger. There were evenings at home when I was in school, and extra time in class. When I moved in with husband-to-be, there were no natural "spaces" in time, mostly because we loved to spend all our time together, and of course there was work. We really hit the skids financially after 2001, and then I got pregnant a couple years later.
I do still draw now and then. I'll work on a picture in fits and starts, sometimes taking six months to complete something that I spent ten hours on overall. Most of those pictures have been given as gifts to friends and family. My husband has encouraged me to get more serious as an artist since we were first together, and I've always found reasons not to.
Struggling to pay the bills can be a damper on one's creative spirit if you let it, and I think I did. To be honest, it's been such a long time now since I was drawing every day, that I'm pretty frightened of launching into it again. I'm afraid my artistic vision has diluted. I'm afraid my skills are gone, or will never improve. I'm afraid I'll be indulging in a time consuming hobby that will cost my family more than it can benefit at this time.....I could go on.
It's good to type these things out, because my fears sound silly now that I'm reading them. They don't entirely disappear, though.
And now, with the miracle of high-speed cable, here I am! It's not that I was ignorant of the internet, or Deviantart, but having access to it at home instead of driving 17 miles to the public library has made a world of difference when it comes to how I spend my time online. I still haven't gone over to Facebook, though I have looked up some people there.
Joining this community has been a revelation to me. I just had, no idea, it was...... so vast! My first week here, I was taking in all the art my eyes could take. My mind was reeling with the reality of it and with the possibilities it presented me. Then for a couple of days I sort of crashed, and felt like everyone here had thought, imagined, created and experienced more than I had.
I actually felt depressed about it for a day or so, until I realized I was getting really strung out on being on the site. I was barely even getting outside, which is very unusual for me. When I backed of a bit and could think my own thoughts again, I felt better. I resolved to start at the beginning. And just to get something out there for starters, I started learning how to scan and prepare some of my old art for uploading. I have a pretty new but small scanner, so had to get the hang of stitching scans together.
I still have some more old drawings to add to my gallery, larger ones, and then..... perhaps I'll be ready to create something new. We shall see.
If you've read this and would like to say something, or correspond a little, I'm open to it. In fact I'd enjoy it! One of the neatest experiences I've had here so far is all the international sharing. I'm so blown away by being able to compliment someone from Iran and Sweden and Korea, and get a quick response. Forgive me folks, I'm just a noob to something that this generation takes as a given. I'm enjoying it all immensely.
I've just begun looking for groups to submit to, any suggestions?
Thanks for reading,
Carla